My brother is dying.
The feeling I have
about this is different
then pure grieving
for a close loved one.
My feeling about
his dying is sadness.
He always hated me
even up to now
his last seconds on earth.
This particular feeling
I have for his dying
is different than
a dear close loving friend
dying
or leaving.
So I feel a sense
of loss of ever having
a close loving relationship
with my brother.
I have shared everyday
of my life knowing him
where he was
what he was doing.
So now in usual way,
that sour gritty ping
in my gut
called my brother hurt
gets plucked again.