John!
You were always there
glad to see me.
Our hearts shook hands.
You liked me.
We laughed.
Somehow I always knew
where you were
Even if it was to far away places.
John, you told me
you were ready to die.
Your bones were all dried up, you said.
I didn't know how to respond
at all
Stunned at what to say.
I told you when someone dies
the left can't talk to them anymore.
You said you knew that
and that's the way it was.
So why did you have to go
and go so completely?
Your student is left to play
as you did,
but he isn't you.
Your children
so well nourished
in the garden of your home
and your grandchildren,
nephews, nieces,
friends ...
So many friends.
But you're not here.
I want you here.
You have left
totally.
You never neglected
or abandoned
always so totally there.
Always present.
But now you've gone
even though you said
it was time to go.
Why did you have to go?
How can I learn all of a sudden
to accept death
and loss
as you taught me
over and over.
Now your teachings
could be practiced,
but I'm flunking
and not playing it well.
Come back please,
so I can tell you goodbye.
I didn't think you would really go.
you, who was always so available
and present.
I realize my crying on paper
won't bring you back,
Couldn't we have played
peek a boo
or had rehearsals for your leaving
something to ease the abruptness
of this
This is so stark.
Arn I a kid having a temper tantrum?