Jealousy chews in
me sucking my
blood electrifying
my cells
jealousy is crippling
and crunches me
into discarded words .
You are with her loving her
reaching for her
while I am in torment.
You 're not thinking of
me sitting here in pain.
You are thinking of her
feeling her
enjoying her.
I want me
to be the only one your legs
touch in bed.
Me the only one you sigh with.
My wanting finds no gain.
It is answered with
your telling me over and over
that you want her
You love her
You are powered to
her away from me.
The hurt is excruciating
living torment
How to handle this
I have looked at this black fire
for days
felt its
heat
been scorched
sizzled
burned.
Tomorrow I will see you
knowing her kiss is on your lips.
You will come to me
love me
totally
but then say the total feeling
can not be.
You will not let it be realized
into plans
and a life for us
You will not let the spiritual flow
be expressed in your life
you will not let it
in your life.
I stand outside the wall tonight
while you lie with her.

How cruel of you
to turn your back
on my love
and walk off
and not look back.
To go away
and forget
and get totally absorbed
in loving another
or want to get totally absorbed
in loving another.
I want to give you
all this love
every day
for the rest of my life
But you say no.
How can you love with me
and then say no
so coldly
so intellectually?

You have turned on me.
The love we felt the other night
you forget the next day
so easily and talked to me so differently.
I hadn't changed
but you had.
I am on a spit
over a fire
you are turning me around
and around
as if to thoroughly
scorch and burn ..
each speck of me.
Turning turning you are
The flames are getting hotter
You keep turning.
I used to be able to get myself
off the spit
and be unscarred
and even smile with you.
Now I don't think I can.
You have hurt me so totally.
Perhaps this is what you wanted
hoping and waiting
for me to limp off
and leave you alone.