Always wanting to be able
to be taller than
really am.
As a child
put on my mother’s high heels.
Knew they were too big and wobbly
but wanted them to fit
so I would be taller.
Now after surgery,
want my brain to be clearer
and stronger
and able to work longer
but it doesn’t.
Want to be able
to not be afraid
in what seems like
being alone
in a shark-infested sea.
Want to stop shaking
but can’t.
Warm air feels cold
warm clothes out of reach
wish some kind hands
would hand me warm clothes
and give me a gentle hug
but into the night